How to Deal with Gaslighting in Personal Relationships

Gaslighting can make you feel lost and unsure. You might question your own thoughts and feelings. If you wonder how to deal with gaslighting, know that you are not alone. Trust your instincts. You deserve respect and honesty in your relationships. If you need help, reach out to someone you trust. Support exists, and you have every right to seek it.

Key Takeaways

Notice gaslighting by trusting how you feel when someone makes you question your memory or feelings. - Use things like checklists and write down what happens to see if someone is trying to trick you and to protect what you know is true. - Make clear rules and take breaks to keep your mind and feelings safe from hurt. - Speak in a calm and strong way to stand up for yourself and make sure talks stay respectful. - Get help from people you trust and take care of yourself to feel better and get your confidence back.

How to Deal with Gaslighting

Recognize Gaslighting

You might feel confused or start doubting your own memory. Gaslighting often makes you question what is real. If someone keeps telling you that your feelings are wrong or that things did not happen the way you remember, this could be gaslighting. Notice if you often feel anxious or unsure after talking to this person. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Learning how to deal with gaslighting starts with recognizing these patterns.

Confirm Manipulation

Sometimes, it helps to use tools that experts recommend. For example, the "Mean Worksheet" lets you score your experiences and see if you are facing toxic behaviors. You can find this worksheet online and use it to check if someone is manipulating you. Another helpful tool is the "Coercive Behavior Checklist." This checklist helps you spot signs of control or emotional abuse. These tools make it easier to see if you are being manipulated, which is a key step in how to deal with gaslighting.

Take Space

Taking space is important. You can protect your mind and feelings by setting boundaries and limiting contact with the gaslighter. Here are some ways to do this:

Tell the person you need a break from the conversation.
Spend time with friends or family who support you.
Write down your thoughts to clear your mind.
Practice self-affirmation by reminding yourself of your worth.

Mental health professionals say that taking space helps you keep your sense of reality. It gives you time to think and decide what you want to do next. This is a strong way to learn how to deal with gaslighting.

Document Incidents

Keep a record of what happens. Write down dates, times, and what was said or done. You can use a notebook or your phone. This helps you remember the truth when someone tries to twist it. If you ever talk to a therapist or need to show proof, your notes will help. In some cases, these records can even help in legal situations. Documentation is a powerful tool in how to deal with gaslighting.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries protects you from more harm. You can set both outside (physical) and inside (emotional or mental) boundaries. For example, you do not have to take the blame for someone else’s feelings or actions. If someone tries to make you feel guilty or shifts blame onto you, that is a sign your boundaries are being crossed. You have the right to say what is okay and what is not. If someone does not respect your boundaries, you may need to step back or even leave the relationship. Healthy boundaries are key when learning how to deal with gaslighting.

“In the face of gaslighting, the battle is not waged in the arena of facts but rather in the realm of self-protection and assertion. The preservation of one’s reality and the assertion of one’s truth form the bedrock of effective defense against manipulation.”
— Psychologist Kenneth T. Wang

Use Assertive Language

You can use clear and strong words to stand up for yourself. Assertive language helps you express your feelings without starting a fight. Here are some examples:

“Can you give a specific example of what you mean?”
“That’s not how I remember it, and I’d like to talk about this with someone else present.”
“Let’s stick to the facts.”
“I want this conversation to stay respectful.”
“I’m writing this down so we can be clear moving forward.”
“I know my value and will not second-guess myself.”
“Let’s look at the timeline together.”
“I feel uncomfortable with how this is being said.”
“I’m open to feedback, but not to being blamed unfairly.”
“I need a witness for our talks from now on.”
“That’s your view, not the only truth.”

Using assertive language helps you set boundaries and protect your feelings. Over time, this can make your relationships healthier and help you recover from gaslighting.

Stay Calm

Staying calm is not always easy, but it helps you keep control. Try these steps:

Stop: When you hear something hurtful, tell yourself “STOP!” in your mind. This helps you not take in the negative words.
Tame: Replace negative thoughts with kind and rational ones. Remind yourself that you matter.
Affirm: Be gentle with yourself. Take deep breaths, write kind notes to yourself, or spend time in a peaceful place.
Rally: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist who believes you and supports you.
Reach Out: Help others who may be going through the same thing. This can make you feel stronger too.

When you stay calm, you protect your mind and heart. This is a big part of how to deal with gaslighting.

Tip: Focus on protecting your sense of self, not on winning arguments. Your reality and feelings matter.

What Is Gaslighting

Definition

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. Someone tries to make you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. You might feel like you are always wrong or that you cannot trust yourself. The person who gaslights you wants to control how you see things. They may twist facts or deny things that happened. Over time, you might start to question your reality.

Tip: If you often feel confused or unsure after talking to someone, you could be experiencing gaslighting.

Common Signs

You can spot gaslighting by looking for certain patterns. Here are some of the most common signs:

The person denies things you know happened.
They lie to you, even when you have proof.
You start to question your own memory or feelings.
They criticize you often and make you feel small.
You feel cut off from friends or family because of them.
They use phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re crazy.”
They blame you for things that are not your fault.
They say their actions are out of love, even when they hurt you.

If you notice these signs, you are not imagining things. Gaslighting is real, and it can happen to anyone.

Why It Happens

People gaslight for different reasons. Some want power and control over others. They may have learned this behavior from their own families or past relationships. Sometimes, people who feel insecure or fear being left alone use gaslighting to protect themselves. Poor control over their emotions can also play a part. In some cases, mental health problems or even cultural beliefs that ignore emotional abuse can make gaslighting more likely.

Remember, none of these reasons excuse the behavior. You deserve respect and honesty in every relationship.

Recognize Gaslighting in Relationships

Manipulation Tactics

Gaslighting often starts with small tricks. You might notice the other person twisting your words or making you feel guilty for things you did not do. Sometimes, they will change the story or leave out important details. They may even act like they forgot what happened. These tactics make you question your own memory. You might hear things like, “You’re imagining things,” or, “That never happened.” Over time, you start to doubt yourself. You may feel confused or even scared to speak up.

If you feel like you are always the one to blame, take a step back. Ask yourself if the facts match what you are being told.

Denial and Blame-Shifting

A gaslighter will often deny things, even when you have proof. They might say, “I never said that,” or, “You’re too sensitive.” This makes you feel like your feelings do not matter. They may also blame you for their actions. For example, if they get angry, they might say it is your fault for making them upset. This blame-shifting keeps you off balance. You start to wonder if you really are the problem. It can feel like you are always walking on eggshells.

Denial makes you question your reality.
Blame-shifting makes you feel responsible for things you did not do.
Both tactics keep you stuck in a cycle of confusion.

Impact on Self-Esteem

Gaslighting can hurt your self-esteem and mental health. You may stop trusting your own thoughts. Sometimes, you might even believe you have a mental illness. Over time, you could feel anxious, sad, or alone. You might pull away from friends and family. These feelings can make it hard to leave the relationship.

Here are some ways gaslighting can affect you:

You distrust your own perceptions.
You feel isolated and alone.
Anxiety and depression become common.
Trauma and low self-esteem can develop.
You may find it hard to ask for help.

To rebuild your self-esteem, try these steps:

Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion.
Use mindfulness to notice and stop negative thoughts.
Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions.
Set healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
Speak up about your needs and stick to your limits.
Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support.
Change self-criticism into self-care.
Give yourself time to heal and trust yourself again.

Remember, healing takes time. You deserve support and kindness as you recover.

Protect Yourself

Build Support

You do not have to face gaslighting alone. Building a strong support system can make a huge difference. Trusted friends, family, or a therapist can help you see things clearly and remind you of your worth. Many people find that talking to someone who listens without judgment helps them feel less isolated. You might want to join a support group or reach out to a counselor who understands trauma and emotional abuse.

Therapy options like Attachment-Based Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and trauma-informed care can help you rebuild trust in yourself.
Support from loved ones gives you a safe place to share your feelings and get honest feedback.
Practical steps like documenting incidents and trusting your instincts help you stay grounded.

Tip: You deserve people in your life who respect your boundaries and believe in you.

Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it is necessary. Self-care helps you heal and regain your confidence. Try different activities to see what works best for you.

Practice mindfulness or meditation to calm your mind.
Write in a journal to process your emotions and track your progress.
Move your body with exercise or gentle walks.
Set small goals and celebrate your wins.
Reconnect with hobbies or interests you enjoy.
Use positive self-talk and show yourself compassion.
Spend time with people who lift you up.

You can also learn about gaslighting and healthy relationships. Knowledge gives you power and helps you spot red flags in the future.

Safety Planning

Your safety matters most. If you feel at risk, make a plan to protect yourself. Start by setting clear boundaries and deciding what you will and will not accept. Keep important contacts handy, like trusted friends or a therapist. Be careful about what you share with the gaslighter and others who might not support you.

Prepare an exit plan if you need to leave quickly.
Keep records of incidents in a safe place.
Avoid taking blame for someone else’s actions.
Watch for signs of isolation, like being cut off from friends or losing access to transportation.

If things get worse or you feel unsafe, reach out for professional help right away. Your well-being comes first.

You deserve to feel safe and respected. When you wonder how to deal with gaslighting, remember these steps:

Recognize the signs and trust your feelings.
Stay calm and avoid emotional fights.
Write down what happens to keep things clear.
Set strong boundaries.
Take care of yourself and reach out for help.

If you need support, you can text CONNECT to 741741 for free, confidential help any time. You are not alone—help is always available.